Monday, March 9, 2015


when people say BFF , we probably imagining 2 people hanging out together, sharing all things and living this world hoping for the best outcome.


it turns out not to me. i have a best friend. this sentence seems little bit of childhood dreamer. nope, she s not just a best friend. its more than that. its all started 2 years ago. We are having one of our bad day and she turns out to manage everything well but not for me.'' its okay'' thats what im saying to myself. Then, she turns me from a passive to an active one. Well, not so active but kind of.

id really love her but my problem is i cant show my love to her. serously im bad at this. i love people but i dont know how to show it.

2 days ago. shes having her bad day. yeah, bad day and im not there to help her.this week is a very hectic week for me. Seriously im not lying here. i handle 2 programmes for my society. 1 program for our batch and the other programme for my junior and the worst is im the leader for the second programme. i keep filling my mind with these and forgot everyone around me.

its my bad. im sorry. i wont do it again. Probably this sentences doesnt help it at all, isn it? Then after finishing first programme she send me a message. a heartbroken message. it makes my tears rolling down on my cheek. that night i can t study, cant sleep. i was shocked. i dont know how to reply. my body still tired. my mind feel occupied and i keep silence. looking at the ceiling, wondering this is a dream or not. the next day im crying again, i kept crying and crying. it was like im being left by someone whom im deem most.i couldnt explain more. its my fault and yes, i knew it.

before this, im planning on staying in her house, after finishing those programme but things doesnt turn like before. Maybe Allah has plan something better for me. maybe. sigh.  when i checked my contact whats App, i noticed that she already block me. it was like killing me twice.not twice, triple.
my heart cant tolerate more. sometimes when things are too hard to handle, then i noticed i couldnt feel anything anymore. everything pass just like nothing else happen. i afraid of that. afraid of knowing that i dont have feeling anymore.

i love her so much even she hate me twice ill love her infinty.

tht will go to someone else too. someone that have take some part of my heart.

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