today

today im not going to school.

my health getting worsen . its worrying me sometimes.

ima, you can get well soon. be patient. Allah s there for you.

:(

random

cant sleep tonight.

sigh.

and cant study too. histamine released. T_T

migrain and allergy

ye, dalm 3 minggu ni aku ada allegy yang sangat teruk  associated with migraine.

it was terrible period for me you know. rasa nak pakai niqab je. boleh tutup muka. segan. mulut mengembang , bengkak macam angioedema. aku tanya doktor, doktorr cakap allergy. aku tak percaya. hey, im doctor to be, i know how allergy looks like. then i google. haha.. thats why people said patient nowadays is smarter than doctor. :P. macam tak sedar diri yang diri sendiri bakal doktor.
 
okey, lepas tu, aku jumpala simptomp yang ada kat aku ni sama macam pruritis dermatitids yang mana ada lingkaran merah di sekeliling bibir dan irritable. for 1 week aku xleh makan ..
aku jumpa doktor pakar dia cakap dermatits..:D

 see. i told you already.

migrain tu kira associated simptom sebab aku ni memang ada migrain tak kisah pon bila2. tahu kan migrain ni tiada ubat?..ubat dia tidur je. so memang jadual tidur aku lebih pada baby kalau migrain ni datang. mak ayah takde. Kalau tak boleh mengadu pastu mak akan buat air madu suam letak limau nipis. nah imah, tidur ye nak..ihihik. jangan mimpi lebih lebih ye.

aku ambil loratadine 10 mg antihistamine untuk hilangkan gatal sebab dia sangatlah gatal. seluruh muka tau tapi yang teruknya kat bibirla. orang kata bibir nak jadi macam angelina jolie. Kalau muka macam dia kira okayla kan tapi kalau cantik daripada dia?..haha..takdelah aku memain je. bengkak, merah, panas .gatal boleh tahan jugakla aku duk menggaru. lepas telan loratadine or claritine aku ambil hydrocortisone 1% untuk sapu. ni antiinflammation . lepas seminggu hilang alhamdulillah. kurangla gatal dan sewaktu dengannya tapi merah ngn bengkak tu kena tunggu 1 bulan lagi la kut. entah. doktor cakap musim bulan 3 dan 4 ni memang ramai yang kena macam ni. perubahan musim dan bakteria serta virrus akan menggila so jangan risau k. itu yang dia cakap.

alhamdulillah, sekarang dah okay. Aku harap tak jadi dah lepas ni.salah satu precipitating factor ialah stress. stress bukan sebab study, sebab kena tikam dengan kawan. sedih tau. kita sayang dia 3 tahun dia buat macam ni. that easy nak putuskan hubungan kawan. okeyla..dah .

kita move on ye. :)

thinking

i am here again. staying at home by my own. well, im in the middle of struggling with myself. trying to reach the peace that i want the most.

yesterday, i was going out with mimi. a friend that ive known on my first day of the class. boleh kata sekepala la jugak. we speak out everything and me too. but  still, i cant move on. why?

what should  i do?

can i endure it and let go of everyhting?

i want  to..

and i hope so.

sometimes i was thinking , can i leaving all of these?

am i thinking too much?

why i bother so much? i should keep studying right? well, theres nothing to do if someone decide to not care anymore. shall i care?

you can do this ima. lets finish this and keep strong!

you must!

show the world who you are.

BFF

when people say BFF , we probably imagining 2 people hanging out together, sharing all things and living this world hoping for the best outcome.

:)

it turns out not to me. i have a best friend. this sentence seems little bit of childhood dreamer. nope, she s not just a best friend. its more than that. its all started 2 years ago. We are having one of our bad day and she turns out to manage everything well but not for me.'' its okay'' thats what im saying to myself. Then, she turns me from a passive to an active one. Well, not so active but kind of.

id really love her but my problem is i cant show my love to her. serously im bad at this. i love people but i dont know how to show it.

2 days ago. shes having her bad day. yeah, bad day and im not there to help her.this week is a very hectic week for me. Seriously im not lying here. i handle 2 programmes for my society. 1 program for our batch and the other programme for my junior and the worst is im the leader for the second programme. i keep filling my mind with these and forgot everyone around me.

its my bad. im sorry. i wont do it again. Probably this sentences doesnt help it at all, isn it? Then after finishing first programme she send me a message. a heartbroken message. it makes my tears rolling down on my cheek. that night i can t study, cant sleep. i was shocked. i dont know how to reply. my body still tired. my mind feel occupied and i keep silence. looking at the ceiling, wondering this is a dream or not. the next day im crying again, i kept crying and crying. it was like im being left by someone whom im deem most.i couldnt explain more. its my fault and yes, i knew it.

before this, im planning on staying in her house, after finishing those programme but things doesnt turn like before. Maybe Allah has plan something better for me. maybe. sigh.  when i checked my contact whats App, i noticed that she already block me. it was like killing me twice.not twice, triple.
my heart cant tolerate more. sometimes when things are too hard to handle, then i noticed i couldnt feel anything anymore. everything pass just like nothing else happen. i afraid of that. afraid of knowing that i dont have feeling anymore.

i love her so much even she hate me twice ill love her infinty.

tht will go to someone else too. someone that have take some part of my heart.